“Whose poo is this?”
This question is asked frequently in our house. Perhaps some background is in order. Normally around 3:30 pm I walk near the bathroom and smell something questionable. I go into the bathroom to investigate. Nobody is in there. Hmm. I look in the toilet and see poo… with no accompanying toilet paper.
“Who’s poo is this?!” I yell through the house. “Not mine!” answers Tyler. “Not mine!” answers Jillian. Time to use my powers of deduction. Michael is not here so it couldn’t be his. Besides, he’s a full grown adult and usually uses toilet paper and flushes. Our dog Cali doesn’t use the toilet — although I wish she would. Adelynn is much too young to be using the potty on her own. What about myself. As the other full-grown adult in the house I always use toilet paper and flush so it can’t be mine. Somebody is not telling the truth.
I try more direct questioning this time. “Tyler, did you go poo in the potty?”
“No I did not. I did it at school. Lukas went with me but he did not poo. He only had to pee. He pooed at home in the morning before going to school.”
Okay, not exactly the information I was looking for. Let’s try the other kid. “Jillian did you poo in the potty?”
“Umm… Yes I did! I forgot.”
I’m not sure how that sort of thing. I think she just didn’t feel like telling me about it before because she was busy playing and couldn’t be bothered to engage in a simple question-and-answer with me. Remember the lack of toilet paper in the potty I asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you needed help wiping?”
“It was a clean poo. No residue.”
Umm, riiight. We’ll see about that tonight at bath time. I patiently explain, “Jillian there is no such a thing as a ‘clean’ poo. You always need to wipe.”
“Okay mommy.”
That’s the kind of ‘okay mommy’ I get when she just wants to be done with the conversation so she can go back to playing. I’m sure this will not be the last time we have this conversation.
The other day Tyler was mad about something I was not letting him do. Tyler has a tendency to overreact when faced with negative feedback. In this case his response was, “I’m leaving this house and never coming back!” I’ve heard this many times before so this time I decided to indulge him. I said, ”Okay, let’s pack you a bag.” He looked at me rather surprised and said, “Can I wait until the weekend?” It was Tuesday when this exchange took place. I let him know if he was serious about leaving then there was no reason to wait and he should just go now. He looked again at me to see if I was kidding then went to pack a bag. In his backpack he packed: three Star Wars figures, a handful of Legos, a Yo-Yo, a small Frisbee, and a shoelace. Basically, all the essentials a five-year old boy would need.
When he said he was ready I went to the door and opened it up. He put on his jacket (such a good boy) and his backpack but hesitated. By that time it was 5:00 pm and was beginning to get dark. He stepped back inside and asked if daddy could come with him to look for a house to live in. His plan was to walk around the block looking into windows to see if the lights were on. If they weren’t then he figured it was a vacant house which he could occupy. So daddy (Michael) went along with him. After about 10 minutes the two of them returned. Tyler said they could not find any empty houses but they planned to go out and look again the next night.
Later that night at dinner I quizzed Tyler on his plans for after he moved out. He told me he was going to find a house and put a sign on the door reading, “No Adults Allowed!” I asked him how he would cook for himself. He answered, “I will get a stove that burns only adults but not kids.” I asked him how he would get to school. He said, “I will walk with my friend Lukas.” I asked him how he would get money for things. He said, “I will take down the sign that says ‘No Adults Allowed’ and let you or daddy come over to bring me money.” I replied, “Oh, I see. Can I stay for dinner after I bring you money?” His response was “No, because I will put the sign back up.” Well, I guess that is that.
The next morning when I went to get him out of bed I kissed him on his forehead and told him how happy I was to see him and that I loved him very much. I did not want him to think that threatening to move out would make me sad. I’m trying to defuse that little tactic of his. But I wanted to make sure he knew I loved him and wanted very much for him to be there. Michael and Tyler never went out to look for vacant houses again. But still, I don’t think Tyler has forgotten his plan entirely. I suspect he is just working on it in his little mind so he can have it all sorted out the next time I quiz him about it. I am hoping that takes about thirteen more years.
